From the time that I first posed the question seriously to myself as an adult, I discovered I wanted many children. Husband teases me that by our second date I was telling him that I thought 6 to 8 children would be a great number. Husband and I had our first two babies quickly, and three weeks later cancer came. Our babies after that were of the test tube variety. In the end, I went through artificial insemination three times and IVF four times to get my last two boys.
Until recently, I thought Youngest was conceived with Husband’s very last vial of sperm. We recently learned that there is one more vial left. If I had known there was a chance at another child, I wonder if I would have taken it? Try for a fifth child which could have easily been twins or triplets?
There are very few “what ifs” in my life. One of the many things I love best about Husband is that he also lives life full out. I would much rather stumble than regret. Life is so short. It goes by so quickly. No matter how much we each might try to insulate ourselves from pain, life’s passage brings hurt as well as happiness. Better the pain of trying full out, than the pain of skulking, of frittered dreams.