A strange aspect of our alternate cancer existence was that, even though Husband and I were together every day, sometimes it felt as if we were each in our own worlds, aware of each other like the earth and the moon, yet on different orbits. We were constantly together but apart, each doing independently what was required to make it through. It was hard for me to really, deeply understand what it was like for Husband to be facing death, knowing that if he dies, he leaves his young family without husband, father and provider. It was hard for me to know how it really felt to be so constantly sick and in pain, especially as Husband was so doggedly positive. For my part, Husband had no idea what it took for me to support him though the illness, while raising young babies. I had to hide my stress, my difficulties, because when he saw I was struggling, it made his own struggle harder. He needed me to be strong, so all his energy could be focused on getting well.
February 15: BLOG 17